I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Boobs are out for the taking
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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