we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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