the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
