There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
