His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
