Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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