My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
