He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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