You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
