he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
