You're so nebulous sometimes
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
