you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
