if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
