For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
