I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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