We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
