that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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