I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
