He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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