the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
