Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
