Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
