im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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