I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
