I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
