Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
