I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
