i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I lost the right to judge tonight
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
