Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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