No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Vodka?
Forever.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
