You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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