Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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