i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This is my gift to your gina
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
