the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
