so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
