I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
