My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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