Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
