he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
