Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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