Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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