I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I love you. Go after that dick
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
