u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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