I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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