you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
