I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
