Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
