I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
