You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
