my phone needs a breathalizer
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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