You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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