dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I want to fling myself into the sun
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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