and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
