I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
