thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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